It is a truth universally unacknowledged that there is nowhere to sit down in England.
Outside, at any rate. You don’t want to pay that extra 60p for lunchtime coffee just to ‘eat in’. You’re effectively paying a very small amount of rent for that piece of MDF posing as a chair. No, you declare, summoning up some good, solid British jingoism before flouncing outside.
Whereupon you find yourself overwhelmingly presented with the problem of the modern human condition. So obsessed are we by commerce, shop fronts and efficient use of municipal space that you are now presented with nowhere put aside merely to sit.
Except lo and behold – there in Jephson Gardens lies the humble wooden bench. No rent fee necessary and scarred with ‘ROSIE 4EVA’, it even inspired landscape artist Charles Neal.
On bearing the inscription ‘For Doris’ beckons like a warm hug. Thanking Doris under your breath, you finally find somewhere to enjoy your now lukewarm coffee before the heavens open to quench that British jingoism once and for all.
There’s always some sheltered pavement just round the corner but despite this being public property you will invariably be moved on by the police. Unless of course you construct some kind of purpose-made board explaining your dilemma, while holding out your coffee cup to collect that all-important 60p.
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